All love starts with some kind of initial attraction. This typically means:
In the VAST majority of cases, something physical attracted the two people together.
This is an ugly topic to talk about these days, but we are physically attracted (in most cases) to a person before we are emotionally attracted. Sex is what brings couples together.
In rare circumstances, emotional attraction may come first. I don’t have the time to list the reaons, but it might be a platonic friendship that grew into something more or an online situation.
These are rare, because even in online situations, there needs to be some physical chemistry.
So, if you aren’t meeting someone, then it might be that you are aiming your sights on the class of individuals who will not return the feelings. This could be because of a million reasons, but in my experience, typically boils down to two:
You don’t have the outward physical qualities those individuals typically are attracted to.
You don’t posess the ancillary qualities those individuals are looking for (wealth, status, or something else).
Stop being an asshole. Guy’s are total dicks. If you aren’t successful in the mating world, then there’s something wrong. AS I tell my sister,
“The one thing all your failed relationships have in common is YOU!” You need to find someone who can tell you the unvarnished truth about you.
You may not think you’re being an asshole, but if you have targeted the right audience and your looks are good, then it’s nearly impossible that you haven’t been getting some game. So, it comes down to your personality
. You cannot go through an emotional transformation and become someone new, but you can learn to tone-down your rough edges and understand the effect things you say/do and how they impact those around you.
Get a new job. Okay. This one’s really tough. But for some ladies it matters. If this is not an option, that’s fine, you have to accept that you have to adjust your target audience then.
Learn to dance. Yeah. There’s a reason why humans on every continent and in every tribe have dances. It’s our “peacock feathers”. It’s what we do. If you can dance reasonably well, then you will walk more gracefully and hold your head up high.
You will be STUNNED how much learning to dance (and box and/or martial arts) will improve your poise, stamina and your general gait to the effect that others–including the target gender of your choice–will notice.
Honestly, if you’re looking this hard to find love, it means you’re one of the “special people” on this planet. I agree with some of the comments on how most people are animals and will settle for anything.
But if you’re different, talented, educated, kind, and open-minded, and have high expectations for a partner, you’ll easily find yourself without a relationship –
MOST PEOPLE JUST AREN’T THIS GOOD
. Let’s face it, most people are selfish. Those who want you for a relationship and see your tender heart will only want to get something out of it.
People like you may find no one who is willing to commit because they simply aren’t up to your level in terms of morality and taste.
Now, it may sound like I am flattering you, but I don’t even know you and I am saying my theory – plus, I am writing anonymously so there’s no incentive for me to lie.
Please don’t ever “cave in” to societal expectations in your search to find love. That is for stubborn people. STAY SINGLE and be the revolution.
So then, what can you do to change your odds.
Adjust your target audience. Look, there’s no way to put this delecately, but people are assholes. Pretty people have a greater propensity of being selective in who they date.
I’m not making judgments here (I’m not exactly pretty), but the harsh reality is, if you aren’t the most attractive/fit person in the world, then don’t expect attractive/fit people to chase after you.
This is not a suggestion for surgery or hopelessness, it’s a dose of the reality of the world we live in (and if you have access to the interwebs, chances are, you live in this world). This leads to the next few points.
Get in shape. Get a new wardrobe. Believe it or not, humans are still living, breething creatures with a pulse. We are descended from creaturs that found certain things “sexy” for very good reasons.
These reasons may not be PC anymore, but don’t fool yourself into believing that those reasons have ceased to exist (with some notable exceptions, though those are comparatively rare).
Looks matter. This doesn’t mean that looks = happiness or that you have to be fricking David Beckham, because unless you’re hideously deformed, any guy can be gussied up.
This means: cut out the shit in your diet, pick up a sport/physical activity, drop some pounds, buy some fitting cloths and get in shape. Don’t like this piece of advice? Move on to the next one.
Change your friends. Okay. Don’t change your friends, but add a new group of friends who will improve your game. These would be: guys with some class and game (and I don’t mean “sexing the ladies” game, I mean “graceful with the target gender of their choice” game).
Get real. Really. People who are actively seeking relationship (outside relationship boards and websites) stand out like a sore thumb. IT’s like they have a giant sign above their head that says “DESPERATE”.
I quasi-dated (okay, we had sex in the back seat of my SUV a few times) a guy who was so desperate that, even though I told him “we aren’t dating”, he became obsessed and did annoying shit like stalk my friends (I never game him my address)
and send me really weird TXT and email messages (I was smart enough to hide my glove-compartment stuff so he couldn’t access my personal information, which I know he tried to do). So, don’t mess with guys/ladies like that.
Either be proactive and go to a dating website, or learn to be cool (but it doesn’t hurt to take some of the above-mentioned advice).
I get it. You’re getting the dates. But you’re getting the dates with the wrong people. So, I come back to “change your audience” and learn to be realistic with the qualities you’re bringing to the table. Don’t think you’re bringing enough? Then figure out how to up your game. If not, then–here we are again–change your audience