Have you ever seen a super-hot guy wander off with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.
To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can't strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.
Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.
An approach is an excuse—any excuse—to start a conversation with someone: “How do I get to Hyatt Hotel?” “There’s some lint on your collar.” “I noticed something about you…” The easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say “hi.”
Forget about pickup lines like “I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”—they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.
Keep him off balance when he suspects you’re trying to pick him up. This allows time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in a friendly way while pretending you’re not really that interested sexually.
Once you've exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: “That wasn’t your car on fire in the parking lot, was it?” “Did you see those two guys fighting outside?” Or get an opinion: “Hey, can I ask you a question? What's the best way to get revenge on an ex? This guy I know…”
Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details (“One fireman was so hunky that…”) Get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax. Sometimes it helps to give the opener a time constraint so that he thinks you’ll shortly be on your way (“I’ve got to go find my friend, but…)
Since compliments (“I love your smile!”) give away your attraction, throw them in the dustbin with the pick-up lines. Instead, learn to neg. Negging is the art of giving a half-compliment, setting up a dissonance in your pick-up target. Examples: “I love your smile—are you wearing braces?” “That’s a nice shirt—did you get it at the outlet mall?” “I’ve never seen hair like that before.”.
The neg should always sound friendly and positive and only subliminally be insulting. Negsexcite your subject by sending contradictory signals spinning in his brain and creating excitement he will be intrigued to resolve.
When you meet a guy, don’t stop talking—just stop talking aimlessly. Learn to be funny and entertaining and cast yourself in a positive light in the stories you tell. Tell him about the time you went camping and scared away the bear, or how great your new gym routine is making you feel. .
Talk about ex-boyfriends or hang a “friend” around your shoulder to demonstrate that others think you’re attractive. In other words, give him enough ammunition to justify an attraction toward you. Once an attraction develops, you’ll see the signals in his eyes and body language.
Without touching there is no sex. To get the ball rolling, touch early and often. Make sure your touches are sensual and motivating, not crude sexual pawing. Examine his cool wristwatch. Flatten his mussed-up collar. Slap away his too-familiar fingers. Read his palm. Test his kiss-ability quotient. Your fleeting touches will leave him begging for more.
At some point in the evening, he may end up in your bedroom. You can accelerate the process by leading him to a neutral location away from his friends. Continue developing rapport and sexual interest. Invite him to a quiet corner of the bar, outside for a breath of air or to a nearby pizza place. Then invite him back to your place.
It takes two to tango. Back at your pad, ask him to pick out some soft music, or turn down the lights, or massage your back. Let him be your partner in setting up the sex scene. You might both be surprised by what develops naturally. Make him feel at ease and develop things naturally.
Have you ever considered what image you project? How's your attitude about life, being gay or dating? Do you walk with confidence or insecurity? It's important to consider these things when looking for a date. More times than not, you'll attract the type of guy that's attracted to the signals you're sending.
So, if you're meeting the wrong type of guys (or the same type), try changing your attitude. If you don't normally smile, try giving guys a quick grin. If you give off an air of arrogance, try loosening up a bit. A little self-reflection and image adjustment can go a long way.
How can you find Mr. Right if you don't have a vision of what he looks like? Make a list of the qualities you like in a guy. This may sound like a silly exercise, but a few minutes with a pad and paper can help you focus on finding the right man for you. Not long ago I wrote down the hair color, height range, ethnicity, and build of my ideal date and it's amazing how many guys I meet that fall within my "list."
But don't just stop there - life isn't all about physical qualities. What kind of personality or demeanor would you like him to have? What about his family life? Keep your options open, though. Sometimes the cosmos have a way of surprising us.
You wouldn't look for pasta sauce in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store would you? Of course not. So why do most gay men look for specific types of guys in the wrong places. If you like a certain type of guy, go where those types of guys go. I'd love to say the world is an integrated utopia, but people tend to hang out with others with similar backgrounds or interests.
Let's say you're looking for a guy that has an interest in theater; then join a local theater group or hang out at local venues frequented by theater lovers. If your dream lover is a body builder, then spend more time at the gym, because more than likely that's where he'll be most of the time.
Are you the life of the party or do you like to sit on the sidelines? Most gay men wait for their knight in shining Tiffany to come and swoop them up from the bar stool. You look, make eye contact and even flirt a bit, but do you ever make a move? Who doesn't want a handsome guy to come up and talk to them? unfortunately, this attitude has created an imbalance in the dating scene.
Since everyone's waiting to be approached, there's no one doing the approaching; which is why it's not uncommon to go to a gay party and see everyone standing around in their own corners like at a middle school dance.
Practice getting out of you comfort zone. Find a guy you like and try starting a conversation. To many gay men, the thought of doing this is terrifying, but with practice it will get more comfortable.
Now that you're ready to walk up to a guy, what are you going to say to him? Well, in my experience two angles work best: breaking the ice and then finding something in common. Breaking the ice can be easier than you may think. Find something unique about him (article of clothing, jewelry, hair style), then comment on it. Try a humorous angle. Instead of saying,
"I like your hair cut" try phrasing it in a way that will make him smile or continue a conversation. A better approach might be, "You know, my stylist said only certain guys can pull off that style. I guess you're one of them..
." Hey, it may sound cheesy, but it strikes conversation and hopefully a blush. If you get stuck, then offer to buy him a drink. This buys you time to think about something else to talk about. Once you've broken the ice, find something you guys have in common and go with it. If nothing is apparent ask him if he is interested in the things you're interested in and go from there.
Be honest and open with your new prospect, but don't give too much too soon. Connecting with someone you like can be an overwhelming experience in its beginning stages. Take your time getting to know one another and let the details of your life and your emotions unfold naturally.
Your first date might not be the time to talk about work stress or emotional issues with your father. Spend time in the beginning getting comfortable with each other and slowly open up. That way neither one of you are overwhelmed too early in the relationship.
Sometimes playing the dating game is like playing a slot machine. It's attractive with its many colors and sounds, but always uncertain. Of course, there's the potential of hitting the jackpot, but unless you're extremely lucky you have to play more than a few coins to hit big. If approaching a guy doesn't work the first time, then try, try again. Eventually it will pay off.
Is there one good way to find gay men that are interested in romance? Unfortunately, there is no holding tank for gay men waiting to be paired up nor is there a magic bullet to finding your personal homo hero. But never fret- there are many good places to find gay men willing to date. Here are the top four.
Are chat rooms and dating sites about sex or about love? Well, it's actually a little bit of both. Most chat rooms and dating sites leave it up to the seeker to let the general room population know if they are looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Clearly state what type of man you are looking for and under what circumstances you are willing to meet.
There are arguably as many gay men that dislike gay clubs and bars as there are that live for a weekend of dancing. Either way, for the party enthusiast, the club or lounge can be a great place to meet men. Couch potatoes shouldn't feel left out though, smaller and less intimidating lounges can also be a great venue for gay men of all types.
And of course, if you can get past the blatant displays of testosterone "heterosexual" clubs are also a good source. Many homosexuals go to straight clubs with their heterosexual friends and are often easy to spot.
Despite what the authors of children's fairy tales wants us to believe, there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor or a prince on a white horse showing up at your door to save the day. Of course,
it is possible for you to secure a date with the UPS delivery man, but the likelihood of that happening is quite slim. However, the tales that aren't a lie are the ones about meeting the man of your dreams at the grocery store or the record store or the coffee shop or the car wash or the park. The list is endless.
Gay men do the same activities and need to run the same errands as everyone else and the odds of running into one that catches your eye is better than sitting at home alone. This method is especially effective for gay men living in a small town. More than likely you will run into another gay man at some point around town. Of course, once you make contact the next step is up to you.
Referrals from friends, co-workers or family are hands down the best way to meet a guy. I'm not talking about the spin of the roulette wheel called a blind date, but an actual informal introduction arranged by a friend. Usually, these begin with the standard, "I know this cute guy..." or "I think one of my co-workers is gay..." and end with "I can arrange for you guys to meet..."
Even if you are shy or don't quite mesh with the "referral," take solace in the fact that they have other gay friends. If you meet and it works out- great! If not, befriend them and network. Expanding your circle of gay friends can only lead to possibilities for romance. Friends not beating down your door with referrals? Then ask them if they know of anyone.
You'll be amazed at how many times you'll hear, "Now that you mention it, I do know a..." Despite these very effective places to meet gay men, it is important that you get out and meet people. That will always remain the best method of finding a man. If you are shy, take your time and ease your way onto the scene. In time, there is always someone for everyone. Happy man hunting!
Do our gay lives come with an expiration date? Generation gaps will always exist, especially as gay men come out at younger ages. But, does that leave older and mature gay men on the sidelines?
It's no longer a shock to hear of an openly gay 13-year-old or about two 16-year-olds in a gay relationship. Even tours around gay bars reveal floods of younger gay men seeking love and sex from their peers.
Rarely, however, do we discuss our lives after the club lights come on and the dancing shoes are laid to rest. This signals the end for some, but to others, lifestyle adjustments are a part of maturing.
So, if gays don't find lifelong partners in their youth, is the love dance truly over? The pressures of heterosexual norms do not lessen when one seeks same-sex companionship.Fears of loneliness become precursors to perceptions that gay men "age out" of the scene (if you can call it such), after which they become undesirable with futures void of companionship., Some say this fear of aging also brings about a perpetual search for a gay "fountain of youth."
Nearly 20% of gay seniors have no one to care for them should they become ill, versus 2% for heterosexual seniors. 2/3 of gay seniors live alone versus 1/3 of heterosexual seniors.
Despite the gloom of these statistics, gay life does not come with an expiration date, nor is there one model (as with heterocentric views) to be followed. Gay youth is just that: Youth.
Likewise, maturing is a part of life as well. It's up to the individual, regardless of sexual orientation, to determine how they will grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally outside of perceived views of desirability. The "community" does not hold the clock, each individual interprets their own timers.
To combat these growing statistics, many gay community centers are launching programs and social groups for older gay men. Community-focused organizations, like SAGE, also provide support and programming for older/mature LGBT people.
Do all gay men shave their body hair? Should you keep some hair or not? Where should it be? There is an ongoing hairy messy talk about shaving your body hair, and to what extent. The question today's trends ask to gay men is, should you shave or not?
A few years back you would find this question obvious to answer: if you're gay, you shave your body hair.... ALL of it. I still remember hooking up with guys whose skin was completely smooth because of their shaving. Others, not so much. It used to be a question of hygiene: the less hair, the less perspiration smell.
As with most things gay, body hair is a matter of style, preference, and function. Trends flop between a smooth body and a furry buddy depending on what circles you ask. There is one thing you should consider in the middle of this debate though, body hair exists for a reason. And it can be so sexy when trimmed right!
There are perks to both styles. A smooth body has its function. Not only can you swim a faster lap, but pesky body odor is kept to a minimum. Still, some guys like a more natural look and a softer patch to keep them insulated even in the heat.
I prefer a guy who's struck a deal with nature to tame the wild: a trimmed pit balanced with a shaped brow and a surprise path of natural here and there. So, I ask: What look are you going for and what type of man are you trying to attract?
And also it is important that you should not choose a look which you don't feel comfortable with. That means you probably have to try some looks and see how you feel. Most times you cannot really tell unless you try it. Women have been grooming for years, but gay and straight men alike have caught up to the idea in recent years.
Today, men are more comfortable expressing their individuality with their bodies. Not to mention one of the fastest growing demos in the grooming and cosmetics industries are men.
By and large, grooming body hair, or 'scaping, can mean a light trim, a lined pattern, or complete removal. Some gay men form bikini wax patterns, while others simply trim abnormally long hairs. To each his gay own.
There are various ways to getting rid of unwanted hair. Each person's hair growth and skin sensitivity is different, you need to choose a way to groom your body hair according to yours. So it may take some trial and error to determine the best method.
First, choose the method you think you all like the most, and then try the others if you did not feel entirely comfortable. You can choose to shave it, wax it or use depilatory methods. If you are looking for a more definite option, you can choose between plucking, electrolysis, laser or bleaching. As trends stand now, however, you will probably want to keep your hair. Specially if you grow a beard. Big beards are sexy!
I have fallen hopelessly in love with another man. His wife knows and has been supportive since the initial shock. In fact, she's suspected his orientation for quite a while. She also really likes me because I am a decent guy with a good job and very responsible―a good boyfriend I suppose...
I suspect that this guy loves me too, but he is a typical "manly-man" and has trouble talking about his feelings with anyone. The wife has become kind of a confidante and she says her marriage is more like "best friends with benefits."
What is happening here? I am head over heels in love with this guy, and his wife seems to want to push us together. She also stated that she's had some same-sex experiences of her own. She has actually been quite nice about this, but I think she is a little bit jealous and insecure.
What should I do here? They say they don't want me to walk away, but I get such mixed signals. My heart is breaking and I don't know how to make myself feel better and fit in.
I want to be this man's friend as well, and it seems to be a bit difficult for me to find the words to tell him how much I care for him... I don't want to break up a marriage, but I would sure like to be closer to this guy. Do you think it is possible?
I can't wait until the days when article and blog comments are replaced by voice tags. Then you could hear the collective "Huh?!" your situation is probably soliciting from the folks reading this right now.
We're all used to hearing about the angry, resentful wife, the deceiving husband, and the other person waiting on sitting on the side lines; but rarely do we see a supportive wife who's open to a mixed marriage. The thought of this may confuse the hopeless romantic in all of us.
The concept of a mixed marriage, where one partner is gay, is not as uncommon as we might think. According to psychotherapist Joe Kort, mixed-orientation marriages are "real, though far more likely to operate underground." Kort admits, "They can, and do, work well for some couples," but cautions, "What I don't support are mixed-marriages that are steeped in secrecy, which is how these relationships too commonly operate."
Your love affair, on the other hand, is out in the open. It's possible that his wife really is ok with the notion of you and her husband doing the tumble weed toss; however, it's also a very real possibility that her emotions haven't fully developed yet.
She may still be in shock and he's still coming out―which we all know is a process. You say the wife seems a bit jealous and insecure? These feelings will only get more intense as you and the hubby's feelings start to squeeze her out. I know it seems strange that she's trying to push you too together, but take her gestures at face value. She's not the confidant you think she is!
Remember the cliche, "Keep your enemies closer than your friends"? I'm not suggesting she's out to get you, but you did basically steal her man―best friends or not. She knows he's gay or bi and apparently she's curious as well. Now she's trying to play it all out and see where she fits in.
That's the difference between men and women. While you're thinking about your boy toy's abs, she's calculating her next move. If she doesn't see a victory (or compromise) that will make her happy―trust me―she'll take evasive action... eventually. Manage your expectations. The wife may be ok with the situation right now, but that can change very quickly.
There are an infinite number of possible scenarios: You want him; she might want the both of you; she might just want him; and, he might not know what the haystack he wants.
In my experiences, three-way relationships (hookups or dating) always seem like a good idea and compromise until feelings become lopsided over time. If she feels like she's being squeezed out, eventually she'll run and he may go with her on the premise that her love is more established than yours
Keep all of the possibilities in perspective and you might all be fine. Be patient! If they're willing to work this out together, just stay in the loop and make it clear that you don't want any casualties of the heart. Continued communication is key to this relationship's survival. I would suggest you get yourself another confidant, though. You may need an outside party if the cow patties hit the fan.
"Lately, I have been hating myself. I never hated gay people for being gay. I have always been in favor of gay rights since I learned gays existed, but for some reason I hate myself for my attractions to other women.
I'm starting to wonder if there is something to what most major religions say about gay people. Then I see all the awesome gays and lesbians in the world and know it is not true for them, but I still wonder if it could be true for me. I know I need to work on my self esteem. I worry about coming out to the rest of my family.
My mother who always said that gays are normal people who deserve equal rights yelled at me when I told her. She asked me if I understood how wrong that lifestyle is and how much harder my life will be because of it. (She did apologize later, but she also started to pretend that I never told her, and makes references to my future husband). I sometimes wish my feelings would go away.
At the same time I know it is not possible and if I suddenly became straight, I would not be me. I am so sorry to hear that you feel like this. Sadly, a lot of teens develop feelings of self hatred when those around them react negatively to the fact that they are GLBT. And while it is normal to internalize such feelings, doing so can be devastating to your mental health Here are some things to keep in mind:
Sexual orientation cannot be changed. You are who you are and it is no one's "fault."
It is normal to feel confused about your feelings, especially if they are new.
Many parents who initially react badly to the news that a child is gay or lesbian, eventually come around.
You have probably been thinking about your feelings for a long time, but this is news to your mom.
Try to accept her apology and find another adult who supports you to talk to her.
There are supportive adults out there. In fact, there might even be some in your own family.
If you don't have a supportive family member, try to think of someone else you could talk to. A teacher, guidance counselor or family friend might be more neutral than mom or dad on the issue.
About's Guide to Gay Life has a great suggestion for parents. He says, "The hardest part about coming out of the closet is telling your parents. Many kids dread the thought of being disregarded by their families when they find out. But, what if instead of getting upset, parents had a chat with their kids about being gay—kind of like the sex talk"—before coming out?
Wouldn't it make coming out easier, at least for the kids?"
Now sadly this is not how things went down in your family, but that doesn't mean that you and your parents will feel bad about your attractions to other girls forever. Right now, you need support. Is there a Gay / Straight Alliance at your school? If so, you might want to consider going to a meeting. Or maybe you want to see if there is a local GLBT Community Center.
They often have programs for youth. Ultimately however, if you feel really badly about yourself, you might really benefit from talking to a therapist. Make sure you find one who is GLBT-friendly though!
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