Coming Out
Anarchism
June 6, 2020
Gay Relationships
June 6, 2020How Hard it is/was To Come Out
George Michael - A Life Lived In Fear of Prejudice
George Michael - Freedom?
Last night's Channel 4 documentary 'George Michael : Freedom' began by transporting viewers back to the decade that first introduced the UK to a duo named Wham! Clips of George and Andrew performing hits like Club Tropicana and Young Guns returned us to the 80s. Carefree days of childhood.
Adolescence. Pepsi & Shirley inspired hair-dos. Careless Whisper inspired fantasies of love and romance. How ironic then, that George Michael - a man whose voice offers a return to freedom for his fans - spent a lifetime entrapped by a fear of prejudice.
Last night's Channel 4 documentary 'George Michael : Freedom' began by transporting viewers back to the decade that first introduced the UK to a duo named Wham! Clips of George and Andrew performing hits like Club Tropicana and Young Guns returned us to the 80s. Carefree days of childhood. Adolescence.
Pepsi & Shirley inspired hair-dos. Careless Whisper inspired fantasies of love and romance. How ironic then, that George Michael - a man whose voice offers a return to freedom for his fans - spent a lifetime entrapped by a fear of prejudice.
Living The Lie
Playing a straight, teen heart-throb bought fame and fortune. In public, George was relentlessly good-humoured, charming and gracious. Away from the cameras he was generous and hard-working. However, George's gentle charisma masked a growing sense of despair and isolation.
Desperate to find some kind of sense of himself, he was ready to walk away from his career. And then, during a concert in Rio, George spotted Brazilian designer, Anselmo Feleppa.
The moment I looked at him I got the feeling he was going to be a part of my life ...
Finally, the artist who knew how it felt to be adored by strangers, discovered how it felt to be intimately loved by just one person.
George was exhilarated by his relationship with Anselmo. Having only ever felt negative emotions connected to his sexuality, he was at last able to celebrate life as a gay man. Tragically, within months, it became clear that something wasn't right.
Anselmo was showing symptoms of a deadly disease. While Anselmo flew to Brazil to be tested for HIV, George spent Christmas at home with his family. He was still not 'out'. He felt unable to share his fears for both his lover and himself with those closest to him. Again, George was trapped in his own private hell.
I hope people think of me as someone who had some kind of integrity. I hope I'm remembered for that,
In perhaps the most heart-breaking moment of Channel 4's documentary, George questioned whether he would be remembered as a man with integrity.
The truth is, fear and isolation underpinned George Michael's existence. His family and fans may have accepted his sexuality readily.
In perhaps the most heart-breaking moment of Channel 4's documentary, George questioned whether he would be remembered as a man with integrity.
The truth is, fear and isolation underpinned George Michael's existence. His family and fans may have accepted his sexuality readily. Yet, this was a risk he found hard to take. Even so, he tried to live his life - as an artist and a human being - as best he could. And ultimately, he found the courage to be honest.
And yes, he will be remembered for that. Yet, this was a risk he found hard to take. Even so, he tried to live his life - as an artist and a human being - as best he could. And ultimately, he found the courage to be honest.
George Michael: Why I Kept Being Gay A Secret
In a revealing interview on Radio 4 in 2007, George Michael told how keeping his sexuality a secret took a deep physiological toll. Talking to presenter Kirsty Young on Desert Island Discs, the singer explained that having revealed his sexuality to several friends and family members at age 19, he was encouraged not to come out to his parents.
Hiding his sexuality made George feel 'fraudulent'-"What people have to acknowledge... is that there's a level of honesty that's natural to me [and] that I'm uncomfortable with anything else.
So firstly, understand how much I love my family and that Aids was the predominant feature of being gay in the 1980s and early 90s as far as any parent was concerned...
My mother was still alive and every single day would have been a nightmare for her thinking what I might have been subjected to."
Openly gay stars of the 80s and early 90s, like Boy George, privately poured scorn over George Michael's 'heterosexual' image. When journalists probed, he was noncommittal.
The star simply refused to be labelled. Life As An openly Gay Man: Kenny Goss Whilst the singer feels that his arrest for 'lewd behaviour' in an LA restroom in 1998 was a subconscious act to 'out' himself, life didn't become easier as an openly gay man.
“For some strange reason, my gay life didn’t get easier when I came out. Quite the opposite happened, really,” he is quoted as telling the BBC, in a 2016 interview. “The press seemed to take some delight that I previously had a ‘straight audience,’ and set about trying to destroy that.
And I think some men were frustrated that their girlfriends wouldn’t let go of the idea that George Michael just hadn’t found the ‘right girl’.” For George Michael, years of living a life in hiding caused immeasurable psychological damage. There were long periods of depression and isolation.
The singer's drug use and self sabotage became an open secret. Whilst George Michael's fans appeared to be prepared to accept him unconditionally, he struggled to accept himself. Discussing his failure to 'own' his homosexuality, the singer admitted -
"I was too immature to know I was sacrificing as much as I was." Despite his characteristic self depreciation, George Michael was an inspiration to many gay men and women. His legacy as both a musician, and a human rights spokesman, will live on.
COMING OUT
Some of the most difficult and important decisions in life for lesbian, gay, bi and trans people relate to coming out. Coming out is different for everyone, there are many questions to think about.
How will it affect your future? Your family? Your friends? Your work?
You never know how other people are going to react but the most important person to come out to first is yourself. Being honest about who you are and not feeling the need to hide behind a secret identity is to many people a huge weight lifted off their shoulders.
It becomes easier to meet other people with similar feelings and over time can have a positive effect on all aspects of your life, when you are happier and feel that you can be accepted for who you really are.
Making the decision to come out as a lesbian, gay, bi or trans person can make us think about our own personal journeys and how we can help and inform others to take the first steps to acknowledging such an important part of our lives.
Once you have come out to one person the process does not end there, throughout your life you will find yourself in situations and around people where you feel the need or desire to disclose your sexual orientation or trans status.
Ultimately there is no right or wrong way to come out, do it the way you want to and the way you feel comfortable. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. There are lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans support organisations across the world who are there to offer a helping hand, a friendly ear, and who have vast experience of helping people just like you.
The prospect of coming out can be a scary one for many, and it's important to remember that nobody can dictate your coming out apart from yourself. At LGBT Foundation we’re here if you need us
If you want to chat around coming out, call us on 0345 3 30 30 30, 10am until 6pm Monday to Friday, or email
[email protected] The Helpline has been running for nearly 45 years, and is staffed by a team of dedicated staff and volunteer operators, all of whom receive extensive training and supportDavid : Okay, so I came out pretty late at the age of 25, but I’ve always known I was gay since I was 12. I felt like I was fighting with myself, holding back in certain situations, hiding my true self because I was afraid of who I really was. Being mixed race, growing up in the 90’s, I thought I had to act a certain way and hide myself.
I got to a point where I didn’t even want to talk in public places because I was so conscious of my voice. You tell yourself things like, “I don’t know who I am” “nobody will get me”, “I just don’t fit in”.
Then I joined a retail company. Cool, like minded young people working in this beautiful buzzing city, Manchester. When I worked at there, as cheesy as it sounds, it felt like family This is the place where I found my voice, and wasn’t ashamed of it.
Being around people who love you, makes you, love you. My family and friends have been my rock, I have a great support system behind me. I tried for so long being someone I thought people would want be to be like, instead of being the person I was born to be
If I could turn back the clock and talk to my 12 year old self, I would say, love your voice, because you have something to say. And this is for my fellow sistas, wherever you are, what you identify as...... love your voice, things will get better.
You’ll meet like minded people who will love you, for you. Tell your truth and live the person you were born to be. I love you and I don’t even know you. You matter
Charlotte : For as long as I can remember I always had an interest in Women, growing up in a Catholic family I always struggled to come to terms with the thoughts and feelings I had as I always believed that I would be rejected. So I chose to suppress these feeling, which caused me a lot of upset and anxiety.
At the age of 24 I had my first experience with a Woman, and from then on knew that I had to make some changes. After opening up to a friend this gave me the confidence to open up to my parents. I was scared that I would be rejected but it fortunately it turned out that they completely accepted me and only wanted me to be happy.
Going back I wish I would have never made assumptions on the way others would react to me coming out, I have learnt that by been honest about who I am is the best way to live my best life.
Chloe : I came out when I was 23. We had no LGBT education at all, the internet didn’t exist yet, and I’d only heard of 2 LGBT people in the whole world. I had no idea that there were loads of us, or that it would be ok if I was one of them.
If I’d known then what I know now, I would have come out at 14, and saved myself a lot of distress. Although it was difficult, it has made such a positive difference to my mental health. Now I work in a role where I can hopefully support other people going through their own coming out process.
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