Gay Men and Sex
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July 4, 2020The best gay sex positions: How do gay men have sex?
As anyone who’s ever had gay sex, thought about gay sex or watched gay sex will know there are endless combinations possible gay sex positions. But where to start? What feels best? How do you gay men have sex?
This guide to the four most accessible – and we reckon most pleasurable – gay sex positions will help get you started.
Before we get stuck into how to stick it in, we’d always condone safer sex and recommend you read our guide to PrEP, and always use condoms when having sex.
First off, Shapes and sizes
What works for you and your partner/s will depend on your shape and size. And for once, we’re not talking about cocks. If you’re a tall man and the guy you’re having sex with is much shorter, you’ll be able to fuck in positions that a pair of beefy fellas wouldn’t find comfortable.
At the end of the day it’s all about angles, different levels of flexibility and being able to hold or change positions. Whoever said physics was boring?
Anal sex positions
Most of these gay sex positions are anal sex positions, but there are some non-penetrative sexual positions at the end too. If you’re after more anal sex reading, here’s another general guide on how to have anal sex that covers douching, communication, lube and some other stuff.
Top, bottom or versatile?
We’re going to look at gay sex positions from the point of view of a top and a bottom. If you’re versatile (and we encourage you all to be), lucky you, you can do both.
In some gay sex positions the top leads the action, and in some the bottom takes the lead. So pay attention or you might miss your turn.
Try the gay missionary position first This gay sex position may sound boring, but it’s not, we promise. It’s one of the easiest positions for a top, and not especially difficult for a bottom.
Before that, though… the foreplay
During gay sex, if you’re engaging in foreplay and sucking his cock while he’s laying down, keep licking, kissing and sucking as you move your mouth down towards his balls.
Then go further, toward his perineum (the bit between his balls and his ass) and then his butthole.
Bottom: if you’re enjoying this, give him a few moans and wriggle your asshole a bit closer to where his tongue is.
Related: Read our guide to eating ass if you want to find out more about rimming
If he’s keen, keep eating his ass. Open his ass cheeks and get in there deep with your tongue. If you can, and body shapes and sizes depend on this, lift his ass up a bit.
Grab a pillow and spit
A pillow under the bottom’s butt can help to raise his asshole up for easier access and comfort for both parties. Start rubbing your cock against his hole. Spit on your cock. Use lube, and condoms if you’re going ahead with penetrative sex.
Seeing eye to eye
The gay missionary position is good for maintaining eye contact and clear communication during anal sex. You can penetrate your partner slowly and carefully, keeping an eye on the target. You can build up a momentum that you’re both comfortable with. And it’s easy to get back in if you slip out, because you can see everything clearly.
Legs in the air
Once you’re both comfortable, try holding his legs back if you’re Top. Or putting them over your shoulders if you want to get really deep.
Bottom: you could also hold your legs back yourself, behind the knees or by your feet if you’re flexible enough! Now try riding a guy’s cock
If you’re new to getting f**ked, or nervous about taking a big dick, this gay sex position could be good for you, because as a bottom, you’ll have the control.
It’s a good one for gaining confidence when it comes to taking cock – if it starts to hurt, you can slow down, and lower yourself onto him at your own pace.
You need a certain amount of athleticism to be able to ride your man. You want to be going up and down, and slightly back and forth, at the same time. A bit like riding a horse.
If you’re bigger built than your top, or if you’re a bigger guy in general this one can be tricky as gravity is against you. Be careful not to crush the chap under you or he’ll be at risk of losing his erection.
Bending over
If you’re both standing up – and you may well be if you’re f**king in a sauna, sex club, dance floor, kitchen, etc, bending over for a top, or bending someone over, can be a winner.
Whether this is comfortable or not for the bottom will depend on, you guessed it – angles.
Men’s rectums are all different, so your height difference, cock shape and size, and the angle that you’re f**king him in, will all play a part in how successful (pleasurable) this gem of a position will be.
Top: start slow and give him time to get comfortable.
Bottom: telling him you’re going to back onto his cock and thus leading the action / setting the pace can help.
Adjust your stance by sticking your ass up and out more, until you find the most comfortable position.
Tops: this is a good one if you and your partner like to f**k hard. Hold onto his waist and draw your whole body into him. Or hold onto his shoulders with him bent right over backwards if he enjoys a more upwards thrust.
Doggie style
This one is trickier than it looks because you’ll need to position your ass in a way that makes it easy for your top to penetrate you. It’s either going to work or it’s not. If you’re top, get behind your man, who should be in front of you on all fours. If your cock lines up nicely with his asshole, you’re winning.
If the angles require some gymnastics or penetration at an awkward angle, it could be painful for you both. Give it a go by all means, but it’s probably worth trying something else.
Bottoms: also note, your knees can get sore, and you can’t see your partner’s face clearly, so it’s harder to see if you’re both enjoying it.
On the side
One of the best, and not just because you can carry on watching Netflix. Bottoms – lay on your side with your ass turned out. It might help to open your ass cheeks up so your top can find your sweet spot.
Top: once you’re in, carefully lay down next to your partner and put your arms around him.
This can be a really intimate position, as you can hold him tight, kissing his neck and face. There’s also the potential to pump away pretty hard. It’s all in the hips!
That’s the basics of anal covered
Of course there are a tonne more complicated positions like the greasy vine sparkler and the unicorn (or something), but do the four we’ve covered well and you’ll be cuming back to them again and again.
Not such a fan of anal? Don’t stress!
Gay men don’t have to have anal sex.
Try the best oral sex position for you and your partner… the 69.
Getting into a good 69 position can be tricky, and there are different ways to do it.
If you’re a similar height, lay side by side, ‘top to tail,’ so your faces are in each other’s crotch. Different heights? The taller guy can curve into a V shape so that your bits are in the right places.
If you’re a bit more athletic, another way to do this involves your partner laying down, face up. Get into a push-up style position, with your mouths and cocks lined up. In this position you can f**k his mouth from above
Health issues for gay men and men who have sex with men
All men face certain health risks. However, gay men and men who have sex with men have some specific health concerns.
Although your individual risks are shaped by many factors beyond your sexual orientation and practices — including family history and age — it's important to understand common health issues for gay men and steps you can take to stay healthy. Protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections
Men who have sex with men are at increased risk of contracting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as other sexually transmitted infections.
To protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections:
Use a condom or other protection. Use a new condom every time you have sex, especially during anal sex but ideally during oral sex as well. Use only water-based lubricants, not petroleum jelly, body lotion or oils. Oil-based lubricants can weaken latex condoms and cause them to break.
Be monogamous. Another reliable way to avoid sexually transmitted infections is to stay in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who isn't infected.
Limit the amount of alcohol you drink, and don't use drugs. If you're under the influence, you're more likely to take sexual risks. If you choose to use injectable drugs, don't share needles.
Get vaccinated. Vaccinations can protect you from hepatitis A and hepatitis B, serious liver infections that can spread through sexual contact. Not all sexually transmitted infections are prevented by vaccines, however.
Hepatitis C is not covered by any vaccine and can lead to liver failure, liver cancer and death. The human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine is available to men up to age 26. HPV is associated with anal cancer in men who have sex with men.
Get tested and have your partner tested. Don't have unprotected sex unless you're certain you and your partner aren't infected with HIV or other sexually transmitted infections. Testing is important because many people don't know they're infected, and others might not be honest about their health.
Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP). PrEP is a way for people who don't have HIV to prevent HIV infection by taking a pill every day. Use of the combination drug emtricitabine-tenofovir (Truvada) can reduce the risk of sexually transmitted HIV infection in those who are at high risk. Truvada is also used as an HIV treatment along with other medications.
When used to help prevent HIV infection, Truvada is only appropriate if your doctor is certain you don't already have HIV. Your doctor should also test for hepatitis B infection.
If you have hepatitis B, your doctor should test your kidney function before prescribing Truvada. The drug must also be taken daily exactly as prescribed. And it should only be used along with other prevention strategies such as condom use every time you have sex.
Address body image concerns
Gay men are more likely to experience body image problems and eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia nervosa, than are their straight counterparts.
One potential explanation is that, as a result of growing up with images of slender and effeminate gay men or men with muscular bodies, some gay and bisexual men worry excessively about their weight.
If you're struggling with body image concerns or an eating disorder, get help. Talk to your doctor or a mental health provider about treatment options.
Seek help for substance abuse
In the U.S., gay men are more likely to smoke than are heterosexual men and gay men are more likely to deal with alcoholism than is the general population.
If you have a substance abuse concern, remember that help is available. Local lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender health, mental health, or community centers often provide substance abuse treatment. Organizations such as the GLMA also might provide referrals.
Recognize domestic violence
Domestic violence can affect anyone in an intimate relationship. Gay men might be more likely to stay silent about this kind of violence due to fear of discrimination and a lack of facilities designed to accommodate them.
Staying in an abusive relationship might leave you depressed, anxious or hopeless. If you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation, you might be less likely to seek help after an assault. Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action — the sooner the better.
If you're a target of domestic violence, tell someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, loved one, health care provider or other close contact. Consider calling a domestic violence hotline and creating a plan to leave your abuser. Make routine health care a priority
Don't let fear of homophobia or the stigma associated with homosexuality prevent you from seeking routine health care. Instead, take charge of your health.
Look for a doctor who puts you at ease. Identify yourself as gay or bisexual, and ask about routine screenings recommended for men in your age group — such as blood pressure and cholesterol measurements and screenings for prostate, testicular and colon cancers.
If you're not in a long-term, mutually monogamous relationship, schedule regular screenings for sexually transmitted infections. Share any other health concerns you might have with your doctor as well. Early diagnosis and treatment help promote long-term health
The Gay Man's Good Sex Guide
I’m scared of bottoming
Most gay men will consider bottoming at some time. However, the thought of doing it for the first time can be scary. Don’t let that put you off.
You may prefer to douche before bottoming, especially if indulging in deep arse play like fisting or with large dicks/toys. Use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature.
Avoid using shower attachments - the water pressure can be dangerous. You can get douche bulbs online or from any good sex shop. Try not to go overboard and irritate the lining of your arse, as this can make you more vulnerable to STIs.
Get yourself relaxed with lots of foreplay like rimming or fingering. Some men do use amyl nitrate (poppers) to relax the muscles around their arse but there are two major health warnings. Poppers:
have been linked with an increased risk of HIV transmission
don’t mix with erection drugs like Viagra and may cause a heart attack.
Deep breathing is far safer, helps you to relax and relaxes the arse too.
Find a position that suits the size, angle and curvature of your partner’s dick. Any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest, whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side, will probably lead to more comfortable sex, or will be a good position to start from.
There’s no such thing as too much lube. It just makes everything more slippery, which isn’t a bad thing. Use water- or silicone-based lubricants if you're using latex condoms. Avoid any lube with nonoxynol-9. It irritates the lining of the arse, may make sex more painful and also increases your risk of HIV.
Look after your arse. You can't get a new one. So know your limits. With time you may be able to take larger objects but there's always a maximum size: about 4-5 inches diameter (the width of your pelvic opening).
How can I be a great top?
Take your time and listen to your partner. This is as much about the emotional as the physical side. If he’s nervous, he might want reassuring that you’re not going to hurt him and that he’s in control.
Find out what he likes. For some guys, topping is about being dominant (and some bottoms like that), but for others, it’s a two-way street. Ask him how he likes it. Listen to his reactions too. If he’s making noises that suggest he's in pain, ease up a bit.
The first time you top, you may be a little anxious. This may make your erection less hard than usual. Relax – you're both there to enjoy yourselves. If you have erection problems, concentrate on something else like kissing for a while.
Our advice above on lubes and position apply as much to tops as to bottoms. Lube is essential when topping. If you have a bigger than average cock, any position where the cheeks of his arse can provide a buffer to your length (like him lying face down) will be a good bet until he’s used to it.
Remember: It’s not only bottoms at risk of HIV. Tops are at risk too, although it’s statistically less likely. Anal mucus can carry high concentrations of HIV, and the membrane just inside the tip of your cock and the foreskin can absorb that directly into the bloodstream if you fuck a guy's arse without a condom. You know the solution. Rubber up.
What is the Male G-Spot?
Some gay men call the prostate the ‘male G-spot’ as it is responsible for a lot of the pleasure you feel when getting fucked. Substances like steroids can also cause the prostate to enlarge. But there’s no evidence gay men are more or less likely to get prostate problems than straight men.
I'm going cruising
Don't put sex before safety. Trust your instinct about where and what isn't safe. Carry condoms and lube. (If bottoming, you might want to put the condom on the top yourself.)
Don't flash cash and make sure you know where the exits are.
What about HIV?
Men who have sex with men account for over half of HIV diagnoses in the UK.
It’s possible to have HIV without knowing it. Most men experience some symptoms around two to six weeks after infection (such as a sore throat, fever, body aches or rash). These symptoms are common to other illnesses and many people do not realise they could be a sign of HIV infection.
It’s estimated that 16% of HIV-positive gay men don’t know they have the virus.
If left untreated, HIV attacks the body’s immune system, leaving it vulnerable to infections we would normally fight off. There is no cure but, if you are diagnosed with HIV and treated, you should have a normal life expectancy.
HIV lives in the blood and in some body fluids. To get HIV, one of these fluids from someone with HIV has to get into your blood:
cum and precum anal mucus (found inside your arse) blood.Sex without condoms is the most likely way for gay men to become infected with HIV.
HIV can also be found in vaginal fluids, including menstrual blood, and breast milk.
You can’t get HIV from:
kissing spitting being bitten contact with unbroken, healthy skin being sneezed on sharing baths, towels or cutlery using the same toilets and swimming pools mouth-to-mouth resuscitation animals or insects like mosquitoes.The more HIV someone has in their bodily fluids, the more infectious they are, and the more likely they are to have serious health problems. HIV treatment lowers the levels of HIV in the body and can make the carrier less infectious, but it won’t get rid of the virus completely.
Men who have sex with men should get tested roughly every six months for HIV. You can get tested at any sexual health clinic. A lot of places do one-hour testing or even quicker. It just involves a finger prick, so no worries about needles. You can also get home testing kits by post.
If you think you’ve been exposed to HIV, go to your local sexual health clinic or A&E as soon as possible, preferably within 48 hours. They will be able to prescribe you with a 28-day course of anti-HIV medication called post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP), which may prevent you from becoming infected with HIV.
HIV isn’t a death sentence, and many people with HIV live long and healthy lives with the right care. But that doesn’t mean it’s trivial. GMFA provides information and advice for gay men living with HIV on their website.
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