DreamingMarch 11, 2019
About MasturbationMarch 13, 2019
How the erotic drive can go wrong
Sex – A Good Thing:
For most of us, sex is a good thing. It calms us, keeps us connected to a partner we care about and is physiologically beneficial. Most relationships are uplifted by regular intercourse. The dance of meeting the needs of another person adds spice and passion to a relationship. So, is it possible to have too much of a desire for sex?
In the highly eroticized magic of a new relationship, sex can happen whenever you meet. The mix of newness, infatuation and desire all combine for many into an incessant erotic need. It’s the stuff of song and fantasy. It’s what makes “falling in love” so enticing. And, it’s why so many people fall in love with falling in love.
The sex is great and there’s no let down. For most, segueing into a relationship means familiarity over newness, caring over excitement. Sex can continue to be great, particularly if you are able to enjoy your partner enjoying sex as much as you do. See sex as a form of communication and even as a form of adult play and you’re in business.
Remember that you’re having sex with another person, not with yourself. So, she may have different needs than you. She may want to be held, or stroked or talked to. He may want to be dominant or submissive, serious or playful.
What makes something erotic comes from deep within our psyches and is different for everyone. Be aware that strange things can be erotic for some and plain things - like gazing into one another’s eyes - can be erotic for another. The erotic is like art, with likes and dislikes, tastes and preferences. What makes it amazing is the way the erotic will pull you in, trigger that Oxytocin rush and make you swoon.
The trick is to enjoy the differences as well as the places of commonality. If you know how to love, you know how to enjoy your partner’s enjoyment. This is a big thing and makes all the difference in the world.
Sexual appetite is not just about a wish for more orgasms, it’s also about what makes good sex good. When we tell people to communicate during and about sex, we are really asking for great, fun play....with an erotic twist.
Think about a couple who really know how to dance. It's an ebb and flow. An intuitive enjoyment of what you need and what your partner needs. Sometimes giving, sometimes getting, always enjoying the moment, and enjoying him or her enjoying the moment as well. To get pleasure in your partner's pleasure while feeling pleasure yourself. Well, that's a good thing that's gone great.
Too Much Sex:
Can there be too much of a drive for sex with your partner? Some people have differences in erotic desire. For couples like this, one can feel hounded while the other can feel rejected. If sex was good, it can often be good again. To get out of the rut of pursuer and the pursued, you must see this as a dysfunctional dance that has to stop.
Otherwise something great – sex – will turn into a reason to be disappointed by the one person you care about. Couples therapy can be useful, particularly at getting to the undercurrent of what is pushing you apart.
And, sometimes sex is just not healthy, particularly if it comes from a place of anger, neediness or as a defense against emptiness. Such sex may feel good, but is a saccharine substitute for dealing with real issues.
While the act itself may be gratifying, there is no substitute for dealing with what’s bothering you. Good sex creates a bond. But, if underneath there’s neediness or rage, the relationship is in trouble.
Sometimes sexual desire can be compulsive, where you have an urgent need for sex, pornography, other partners etc., but it’s never enough. When sex is a compulsion, it’s no longer a simple desire, it becomes relentless pressure.
To forgive a pun, it becomes a true hardship. You know that sex is compulsive when you feel immense pressure for intercourse, and while it may feel good temporarily, it is truly depleting and unsatisfying.
This can lead to a destructive addictive cycle in which you are compelled to get more, continue to be unsatisfied, and then want more again. Compulsive sex in its many permutations lacks satiation. Only trouble comes of this approach to erotic life.
Sex can be infused with an unhealthy agenda, whether it’s compulsive sex, angry sex, needy sex or simply a desperate desire to fill a void.
Bad Bad Bad
Maybe you've skipped dinner and gone straight for dessert, but if you’re skipping all of your meals (and other vital to-dos) to have sex instead, you might be having too much of it. While science suggests sex can improve mood and decrease anxiety by reducing stress signals in the brain, it’s possible doing the deed can interfere with leading a healthy life.
Don’t get us wrong: Sex is a normal, healthy, fun part of adult life. In fact, Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist, says sexual attraction and sexual compatibility are the basis of many successful relationships. Thinking with our nether regions may be natural, but continually acting on those thoughts while the laundry piles up may be the sign of a dilemma. So how much sex is ideal, and how much is too much?
According to the Kinsey Institute, 18- to 29-year-olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, while 30- to 39-year-olds do the deed on average 86 times per year. So if that's average, what’s healthy?
Kerner says most couples in a relationship should be having sex at least once per week. Couples therapist Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., agrees that once or twice a week makes for a healthy sex life.
During the infatuation stage (a.k.a. the honeymoon stage, when two people can't stop thinking about each other) couples often have sex every time they’re together, Kerner says. And when couples first move in together, the frequency of sex increases, but only temporarily.
But with all that rubbing, sex can get a bit uncomfortable. After all, women's bodies don't stay lubricated eternally. If there's pain or numbness, it's smart to slow down or call it quits for the night.
Using lubricant can also make for more pleasurable sex by cutting down on painful friction, and can actually help ensure safe sex because it makes condoms less likely to break. If sex gets in the way of leading a healthy life, it may be part of a more serious issue.
If your sexual impulses feel out of control, or you're having sex to avoid feeling lonely or depressed, or you're having sex despite risky consequences (like contracting an STI or losing a partner), this might be the sign of a problem.
Sex obsession—sometimes called hypersexuality, compulsive sexual behavior, sex addiction—is a subject still up for debate
Get On With It
While many sources maintain that sex addiction is a psychiatric disorder, a study published in 2013 suggests that much of the time, hypersexuality is really just high desire and not necessarily a medical issue.
Regardless, if sex is being used as a substitute for dealing with a real issue, it's best to consult a doctor or therapist At the end of the day, it comes down to quality over quantity. Having sex daily doesn't mean it's too much, so long as both partners enjoy it, Kerner says.
But if partners are regularly having sex and one person feels more satisfied than the other (read: is having more orgasms), sex can start to feel like a chore for the less-satisfied party. Of course, there's no right way to go about sex, and the preferred amount varies from person to person. For a fulfilling sex life that's just right, it's helpful to be honest and open with your partner(s) about how frequently you’d like to be intimate.
And that doesn't mean it needs to be a boring discussion. Telling your partner about your desires—in specific terms—can be highly erotic. In fact, one study found that couples who communicate about sex, especially during the act, are more sexually satisfied. Simply put: There should be mutual enjoyment, whether that means giving or getting.
And remember that compromise is key: Instead of singling out one person for his or her sex drive, research suggests it can be helpful to assess the couple's collective desires and meet in the middle. As funny and un-sexy as it sounds, it may even be smart to schedule sex so the lower libido partner doesn't feel pressured, and the higher libido partner doesn't feel rejected
That said, if you ever feel overwhelmed (either physically or emotionally) by the kind or amount of sex you're having, let your partner know you need a break. Sex can be dangerous if there's any sort of pressure or force to do something with which either party isn't comfortable. Having sex on the regular is part of a healthy, normal adult life.
But when sex gets in the way of your day-to-day, it might be time to seek professional help from a doctor or therapist. Our appetites for sex grow and shrink, and successful couples need to manage those ups and downs. Sometimes libidos will match up, but when they don't, Kerner says we need to take responsibility for our sexuality by enjoying ourselves by ourselves.
Things that happen to your body when you don’t have sex for a while
According to 2016 research, millennials are having less sex than any generation since the 1920s. This is a bad thing for a few reasons: Sex is fun, and you should be having as much of it as you can; and They’re all missing out on the many well-documented health benefits of having sex regularly.
Why sex could be your best prescription Of course, that’s not always possible for various reasons – maybe your partner is out of town, or you’re just in between relationships. But what actually happens to your body when you don’t have sex for a long time? Here are six of the most surprising side effects.
Your rhythm gets thrown off the next time you have sex
You know that old expression, “if you don’t use it, you lose it?” Science suggests that to a degree, that might be true. A 2008 study in the American Journal of Medicine concluded that men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who weren’t sexually active were more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction..
This makes some sense: on an intellectual level, navigating all those arms and legs and erogenous zones can get pretty confusing, so imagine trying to navigate the core mechanics of intercourse after months and months of not having sex at all. Luckily, there’s an easy solution: even if you don’t have a partner, the research suggests ejaculating regularly can help alleviate some of these effects.
If you don’t masturbate, your risk of prostate cancer goes up
f your dry spell extends to the self-pleasure zone – that is, if you’re not masturbating at all – research says that’s unhealthy. In fact, multiple studies have pointed to the conclusion that “high ejaculation frequency” (a.k.a. jerking off at least 4.6 to seven times a week) is linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer..
So get out those baby wipes and turn on Pornhub for the sake of your own health. If you thought the first time you touched yourself and realised it felt really, really good was when you hit puberty, you might be wrong..
Researchers in Spain recently found that in utero masturbation is actually a thing among male foetuses, so this “gratification behaviour” starts far earlier than originally thought. “Masturbation in infancy and early childhood could be initiated when the infant discovers that certain manoeuvres can bring about a pleasant and comforting sensation,” the researchers reported..
“We could accept that it could be viewed in the same group as thumb-sucking, body-rocking or other behaviours that infants use to enhance comfort.” In a study from Harvard, men who ejaculated 21 or more times per month had a 19 to 22 percent lower risk of prostate cancer than men who did so only four to seven times per month. Considering roughly 220,800 cases of prostate cancer are diagnosed a year, according to the American Cancer Society,.
it’s worth trying. In case you haven’t marked it down on your calendar yet, May is International Masturbation Month. It was established in 1995, as a sort of eff you to the Bill Clinton Administration..
On December 9, 1994, Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders was fired by President Clinton for daring to suggest – gasp! – that masturbation be part of the sexual education curriculum in the U.S.
Your blood pressure can spike
A great night of lovemaking can make literally everything else in the world feel better. Even if your boss won’t stop breathing down your neck or if you’re under a bunch of deadlines, you’re consistently getting laid, so all of that stuff seems super manageable.
Science says that’s not a coincidence. In fact, a 2006 study in the medical journal Biological Psychology found that people who were having regular sex had lower levels of blood pressure than those who weren’t.
You get more stressed out
Apparently, there’s a scientific reason for that. Neuroscientist Dr Debra W Soh said in an interview with Men’s Health that during orgasm “endorphins are released that can help to improve your mood. So, if you tend to use sex as a way of coping with stress, a dry spell can be doubly frustrating.”
Your immune system gets weaker
Orgasms are incredibly beneficial to your immune system, as psychologists Carl Charnetski and Francis Brennan Jr found. They conducted a study where they asked patients who were having sex once or twice a week to provide saliva samples.
Those samples were found to contain an extremely high concentration of the common-cold busting antibody immunoglobulin A. Who knew that extremely close contact was a net-positive in terms of preventing illness?
Your work performance might slip
Most dry spells have two parts: the part where you’re insanely horny and turned on by even a slightly curvaceous frying pain; and the part where you’re down in the dumps and can’t even be motivated to get off the couch.
Apparently, that can even spill over into your employment satisfaction. An Oregon State University study found that couples with an active sex life were much happier at work.
“Maintaining a healthy relationship that includes a healthy sex life will help employees stay happy and engaged in their work, which benefits the employees and the organisations they work for,” says Keith Leavitt, an associate professor at the college.
What Happens If You Stop Having Sex?
People go through dry spells in the bedroom for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they’re busy, or maybe they’re single. Or they might just decide they want a break .If that break goes on long enough, though, it can have an effect on your body and some parts of your life. But it’s important to remember that there’s no “right” amount for everyone. What’s key is that you find what works best for you.
Anxiety and Stress
If you don’t have sex with your partner often, that may make you feel less connected to them, which can mean you don’t talk about your feelings much or get a lot of support in managing day-to-day stressors.
And sex makes your body release hormones, like oxytocin and endorphins, that can help you manage the effects of stress. Oxytocin has the added benefit of helping you sleep.
Research is in the early stages, but some studies have shown that people who have sex often are better at recalling memories. And there are signs that sex can help your brain grow neurons and work better in general.
Regular sex helps you feel emotionally close to your partner, which opens the door to better communication. Couples who have sex more often tend to say they’re happier than those who get less of it.
But it doesn’t have to happen every day -- once a week seems to be enough. This seems to be true no matter your age or gender, or how long you’ve been in the relationship.
Regular sex can help your body fight off illness, so having it less often might lead to more colds and the like. In one study, college students who had sex one to two times per week were shown to have higher levels of a certain antibody (called immunoglobulin A) that plays an important role in your immune
For men, how often they have sex may be linked to their chances of prostate cancer, but the evidence is mixed. Some experts think that sex might actually raise your odds, by possibly exposing you to sexually transmitted diseases that lead to inflammation.
But in one large study of almost 30,000 men, those who said they ejaculated more than 21 times a month on average had lower chances of prostate cancer during their lifetimes, compared with those who ejaculated four to seven times a month.
Sex is 'bad' for women
There is no perfect amount of sex prescribed for optimal health benefits without the accompanying negative side effects.Find out yourself and determine the appropriate frequency of sexual activities with your partner - those which you're comfortable with.
But don't ignore meals to have sex. Sex is the most pleasurable activity in human life, but that can cause misery if exaggerated. You can have as many sexual activities as you please
Too much sex affects the quality of your life. Sex is an activity that uses a lot of energy. You burn a lot of calories during sexual intercourse. During those erotic sessions in between sheets, the body releases norepinephrine, epinephrine (adrenaline) and cortisol to the bloodstream, which results in an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, muscle strength and glucose metabolism.
All these exercises are tiring when done occasionally. If you're a woman and you sluggishly drag yourself off bed on those ‘mornings’ after a love-fuelled night, cut back the sex.
Your exhaustion may extend to work and you'll feel tired all day. This may make your day unproductive. To avoid all this fatigue, adjust your sex sessions for lively work-performance and a successful day.
Inflammation and swelling
Those occasional and wild sex marathons may leave your genitals sore and swollen. This often happens to women who engage in too much sex. Too much sex in women leads to a condition called vaginal excoriation.
This refers to the scrapping off of the vulva skin during penetration. It usually happens when there is too much friction during sex that scales off vaginal walls. This condition leads to burning when passing urine or difficulties in walking resulting from a sore and swollen vagina. To avoid this, reduce the amount of sex and ditch rough sex.
During steamy sessions in between the sheets, sweat and lose water from their bodies. So when your sex life is too active during day or night, you may end up being dehydrated from sweating. But this is harmless to give you chills. Drink plenty of water before, while, and after you have had sex.
Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)
Urinary Tract Infections typically occur when bacteria enter the urinary tract through the Urethra and begin to multiply in the bladder. Although the urinary system is designed to keep out such microscopic invaders, these defences sometimes fail. When this happens, bacteria may take hold and grow into a full-blown infection in the urinary tract.
Sexually active women tend to have more UTIs than women who aren't sexually active. Having a new sexual partner also increases the risk. Too much sex with different partners also puts you at risk.
Urinary Tract Infections can be uncomfortable and painful. To avoid them, empty your bladder soon after intercourse, drink plenty of liquids especially water, wipe from front to back and scale down the number sexual partners.
During intercourse, many hormones are released into the bloodstream. Prostaglandin E-2 hormone is released into the bloodstream during sex. They are made at sites of tissue damage or infection, where they cause inflammation, pain and fever as part of the healing process.
These unregulated inflammations, pain and fevers lead to a weakened body immunity, damaged tissues, nervous and muscular pain. They can also lead to lack of sexual stimulation.
Who Says Girls Just wanna Have Fun. He or She are maybe slightly wrong
M I Ro
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