When summer comes, the butterflies start fluttering again – in your stomach. The butterflies that you spontaneously get from an encounter with your Mister Right Now in a hot, exotic place. Or maybe they arrive during your staycation in your own back garden when you realise that that ‘friend’ is actually your ‘ideal’?
But then there’s always that doubt. Does the other person have them too? A flower offers the answer! The first petal says “He/She loves me”. The second petal says “He/She loves me not”. Pick all the petals from the flower. The final petal will tell you “He/She loves me.” Or not…
We trust that the final petal is “He/She loves me”, of course. A romantic gesture is to send a (dried) flower with the final petal still attached, and enclose a card with the text: “He/She loves me”. Lots of love, He/She.
This game is of French origin, and is called Euffeuiller la Marguerite. You should really play it with a daisy, but it’s just as much fun to use his or her favourite flower for this game. One variant is to play the game with “He/She loves me, He/She loves me a lot”. Hopefully summer loving will ensure that the butterflies that might be snoozing for your partner are fully revived.
Love me? Love me not? Love me…
It’s pretty black and white, cut and dry, salt and pepper if you ask us, but see what you think.Once you read this list, you’ll wonder why you didn’t know it before! The signs are so obvious and even if he doesn’t know it yet, you’ll know for sure that he has fallen deeply for you!
It might seem strange that a guy would pull away from you, but if he is confused about his feelings or he doesn’t understand what is happening in his heart, you might find him being more distant than usual. Many women say they thought their guy was about to break up with them when he popped the question!
Men are naturally protective over women. A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and wellbeing. Does your man protect you? Not just from physical harm, but does he make sure you’re protected when any negative situation arises?
Congratulations. This is a definite sign he loves you. There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with. Simply put, men want to be your hero. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives. And I couldn’t agree more. But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He reveals the things you can say and do right now to trigger this very natural male instinct in your guy.
While work and family are pretty important to him, he wants you to know that you are someone special in his life. That means that he puts your needs over his own and he’ll compromise where he can to make you happy.
If your guy is asking your opinion about an important decision that he needs to make, it’s likely that he trusts your sense and is already in love with you. It means he really cares what you think, which, in turn, means he really cares about you.
If he lets it slip that you’ll travel or buy a home or do anything together after next week, there’s a good chance he’s into you and is already in love.
Guys don’t make a lot of plans for the future that they say out loud, so if your man is all about what is happening next week, next month, next year – there’s a good chance he’s going to be yours forever. He may also be thinking of marrying you in the future if he has fallen deeply in love with you.
To decide whether a guy likes you or is just playing games, you need real and honest advice. Having studied relationships and psychology most of my adult life, I know a thing or two about it. ut why not turn to the most famous psychologist of all? Yes, Vienna psychoanalyst Dr. Sigmund Freud can tell you whether he likes you or not.
Simply take this brilliant quiz from my friends at Ideapod. Answer a few personal questions and Freud himself will dredge through all the subconscious issues motivating your man to give you the most accurate (and downright fun) answer of all.
Sigmund Freud was the grand master at understanding sex and attraction. This quiz is the next best thing to setting down one-on-one with the famous psychoanalyst. I took it myself a few weeks ago (for research purposes!) and was amazed at the unique insights I received.
He’ll remember when you have an appointment or need to be somewhere for a family function He won’t bail on responsibilities and he’ll always remember when you got together, even if you don’t.
He’ll ask about your parents and your friends and he’ll ask how work is going, and remember to ask about that weiner, Susan, in accounting that you hate just so you have a chance to complain about her.
He’ll make an effort to be physically close to you as much as possible.
If you are out for dinner, you’ll find him sitting on the same side of the table as you; he’ll stand near you at a party; he’ll want to be closer to you in the car. It makes him happy t’s all his way of saying he loves you without actually saying, you know, he loves you.
It doesn’t matter what you need, if you call him, he will come to you. If you need advice, a ride, some help, or just a shoulder to cry on, he’ll find a way to get to you and make sure that everything is okay. If a guy hasn’t said it yet, but is always there for you at the drop of a hat, he probably loves you (and he might even love you secretly). elping you like this is another aspect to the hero instinct. The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology that I think has a lot of merit to it.
Men don’t go out of their way to help you just from the kindness of their heart — they do it because it makes them feel good about themselves. They are stepping up for the woman they care about. And helping her in a way that no other man does. This makes him feel like your everyday hero.
For a relationship to succeed, it needs to give a man a sense of purpose. It doesn’t matter how good you look, or how much of a firecracker you are in bed, a man won’t fall in love with you unless the relationship gives him this.
Guys who care go out of their way to let you know that you look good. Even on your worst days, he’ll find something nice to say about you to lift your spirits.
It’s not because he’s just blowing smoke your way: he might not be able to say he loves you with the actual words, but he can say it in other ways. (Most women do something that drives men away… without ever realizing it. Discover what it is here).
He’ll make an effort to make you happy. If he says things such as, “as long as you are happy, then he is happy” – you know he’s yours. He sends you cute good morning messages because he knows it will get your day started off in a great fashion.
If he surprises you with dinner reservations, dancing, and a fun night on the town – he’s a keeper. Guys fall into habits and routines pretty hard, so if your guy is putting on the ritz, it might be because he’s fallen for you and realizes you are worth the effort He would drop everything to come to you
Regardless of how important everything else is in his life, you are his number one priority. You just know that he would come running if you needed him to save you.
If his friends mention that he talks about you, you can rest assured that he is in love.Again, men are not all about expressing feelings and if he comfortable enough to tell them things about you, they know it’s love – so you can know it for sure now too!
He’s got your back. And while that might not mean a whole lot right now in the early stages of your relationship, when things get hairy down the road, you’ll want to know that he is there for you. He shows you that he will be now by doing what he said he will do, encouraging you to follow your dreams, and being present when he’s with you. These are great signs that he loves you deeply.
If you catch your guy treating you like eye candy from across the room, it’s a good thing. If he can’t take his eyes off you, even if you’ve been together a while and he hasn’t said “I love you”, you can bet he does with the way he looks at you.
If you’ve had your first fight and he isn’t running for the hills, there’s a good chance he sees potential in this relationship and is already invested in making it work. So give the guy some space and he’ll come to his senses that he loves you. Besides, if you already know, there’s no rush to get him to say it. He’ll come around.
This may be a surprising sign, but when you think about it, jealousy is a natural reaction that men find hard to control. And if they show jealousy, it’s a clear sign that they have strong emotions for you. Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch says:
Even in large groups, if he loves you, he might go out of his own way to make sure he is closer to you, and interrupting conversations with other men. Not all men will do this. After all, they won’t want to be too controlling. But they may ask you why you were talking to a particular guy. He might not even realize himself, but his actions speak louder than his words.
If he is truly in love with you, then he’ll want to know what you’re planning for the future.
If you mention that you’re thinking of moving away or getting a job overseas, he’ll be visibly devasted at the thought of it. Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows “a certain level of intimacy”.
This is an important sign to pay attention to as it shows what kind of future you might have together. Does he use the word “we” when talking to you about the future? If so, he loves you and might even want to have babies with you.
If he is the person you think to call when something is wrong, there’s no question that you’re in love. But if he the person who actually shows up when things are going wrong, then he might be in love too.
“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say. Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”
The fact of the matter is this: If he is showing he cares for you with action, then he might be a guy that you want to hold onto.
Whether you’re cooking a romantic dinner for the two of you, or you’re playing a video game, he is cheering for you on the sidelines. “A partner who loves you will always do [their] best to truly support you in pursuing your dreams,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle. It’s not always easy to tell if a man loves you, but if he is always in your corner, then you can bet he cares.
When life gives you lemons, this man shows up and helps you make lemonade. He works hard to help you stop worrying about the little things and focus on what matters. This is because he cares about how you’re experiencing life, and most importantly, how you’re feeling. According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:
“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”
For a man, feeling appreciated is often what separates “like” from “love”. Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel appreciated, and to provide for the woman he cares about. Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
As James Bauer argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in the relationship unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential. How do you trigger this instinct in him? And give him this sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form. In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his excellent new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more appreciated. By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
If you think that he may be betraying you, or cheating on you, then obviously you have to wonder if he actually loves you. If you’re struggling to trust him, then your intuition may be telling you that he doesn’t love you.
How do you feel around him? If he’s making you feel insecure, then it’s a fair chance that he doesn’t love you. Love is a powerful emotion that makes the giver and receiver feel great.
While we may mention that if he loves you, he may appear more distant, unfortunately, it may also mean that he doesn’t love you. f he’s ignoring your texts and taking ages to respond, then you might not be at the forefront of his mind. A man that truly loves you will want to make time for you and see you whenever he can.
A man that loves you will respect your opinions and listen to what you have to say. But if he’s not taking your advice on board and ignoring your opinions, then it shows a lack of respect. And without respect, love is near impossible.
This is a warning sign that he doesn’t see a future with you. If he truly loves you, he’d be planning his future around you.
If he’s meeting up with you only to have sex with you, then he might just be using you for fun. If he loves you and wants to have a relationship with you, then sex will only be one facet of the relationship.
I’m not talking about expensive material objects. I’m simply talking about getting you things that you need and want, even if it’s just a toothbrush. A man that truly loves you will be thinking of you all the time and getting you things he knows you need.
If his friends haven’t heard of you and don’t know who you are then he might not be that into you. Any man that loves you deeply will undoubtedly tell their closest friends about you. They’ll be proud of you and will want to show you off.
If he has cheated on you, then it might be a sign that he isn’t in love with you. After all, when we enter into a relationship, we commit to each other and that means being monogamous.
Now if this is in the past, and you feel like he has truly made an effort since then, then he may love you. But if he doesn’t seem remorseful about it, then that might be a sign that he just doesn’t love you.
When you love someone, you should feel genuinely terrible about hurting them, and if he can’t even muster up the emotion to feel terrible about cheating on you, then he may not truly love you.
Has he stopped you from seeing your friends? Is he trying to control your schedule? Does he not trust anything you do when you’re not with him? What may seem like “lovey-dovey” can also be clingy, needy and insecure. True love doesn’t lead to these behaviors. It leads to trust, not toxicity. If they’re trying to control you, it’s not a sign of love but a sign of a toxic relationship.
If you’re feeling crap around them because they’re lowering your self-esteem with subtle, backhanded statements, then it’s a clear sign that the relationship probably isn’t benefiting you and he doesn’t truly love you.
It’s never fun to be on the receiving end of an insulting comment. You might tell yourself to ignore the comment, but part of it may inevitably stick, and you worry that something is actually “wrong” with you. Anyone that makes you feel worse, even if it is not intentional, probably doesn’t love you.
Introducing your family and friends to your partner is not something you take lightly. It’s a huge step. But if you’ve been together for a while and he still hasn’t introduced you to his family and friends, then something is definitely up.
According to relationship expert, Susan Winter, “gaining access to your partner’s inner circle is a mark of their commitmen So if you feel like he just won’t introduce you to his family or friends, that’s a red flag that he might not love you.
The truth is that he may not even know the answer… Men are wired differently to women. We’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships. And most of the time, we’re not even consciously aware of the things that drive us. I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about men: the hero instinct.
What is it? As I touched upon earlier in this article, the hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women. Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.