Sex and Pleasure
Marika says, “I cannot stress enough the importance of thoroughly educating yourself about consent and negotiations
and making sure that your partners are sufficiently informed as well before engaging in any intimate activity involving power-exchange.
Each partnership and context is different, and the methods used to negotiate and navigate a session consensually should be adapted to their unique needs and dynamics.”
While everyone’s needs are different, Marika has some general advice for negotiating boundaries and consent.
“It is very important to learn how to properly and usefully negotiate with your partners.
Seek first to understand, then be understood. Ask questions and genuinely listen to the answers from your partner. Seek to understand their genuine motivations and boundaries.”
Don’t rely on implied consent
“If you rely only on implied consent, there is room for misinterpretation. You cannot count on someone being able to read your mind any more than you should assume you can correctly read theirs.
Cultivating mutual self-awareness as well as good communication skills is the key to successful and empowering experiences,” she explains.
Be willing to speak honestly about your desires and boundaries
She says, “Don’t be afraid to have a frank and honest conversation about desires, boundaries and consent with your partner/s.
It is important to know your partner’s unique views on BDSM, and their consent philosophy. Remember that consent goes both ways;
it is important that everyone involved explicitly and honestly states their expectations, limits and experience. Be sure to discuss all of these things beforehand, especially if it’s with someone new.”
Don’t think of consent as something to get out of the way before you can play
She adds, “Taking the time to negotiate a session and understand your partner’s and your own desires and expectations can be really exciting and a way to connect deeply.
I’ve had several negotiations that were as fulfilling as the session itself!”
What does it mean to be a dominant?
Annabelle says to begin with, you and your partner(s) must first decide between you who is going to undertake the dominant role and who is going to play the submissive.
“It’s extremely important for both of you to interchange and play both roles so you can both experience being in control of your shared sexual destiny. Quite simply
, the dominant role will demonstrate skill and power and will control the submissive role.”
The dominant/submissive dynamic is often also referred to as top/bottom. “In BDSM, the top is the dominant partner who dishes out the spanking, bondage
clamping and whipping, and the ‘bottom’ is the submissive partner,” she says.
“However, bottoms can also be the more dominant partner by demanding the top to perform certain acts of their choosing and even insist on switching roles.”
This is going to sound a little crazy, but…
I want to teach you some oral sex techniques I call “sexual heroin” because they will make any man completely and utterly addicted to you, doing anything just to be with you.
These secret oral sex techniques, that you can use on any man, will give him back-arching, body-shaking, screaming orgasms so powerful that he may pass out afterwards.
If you are in a relationship where the “spark” is no longer there and would like to experience more passion, fire, and intensity then you may want to check them out.
Some side effects include:
Having a man who constantly looks at you like he wants to rip your clothes off.
Other women becoming jealous of your relationship and how your man treats you.
A guy who makes excuses to his buddies and cancels on them so he can spend more time with you.
A man who can’t keep his hands off you.
What does it mean to be a submissive?
Annabelle explains that the position of the submissive lover is “one of trust and learning”.
She says it involves “giving away the reins to your mind and body and allowing your lover to take them fully”. While being a submissive is about relinquishing control,
she is keen to point out you will not cease to have a voice.
A submissive lover should always expect a level of balance and to be able to guide sex within the boundaries of their own desires without pressure to exceed them,” she adds.
“Many people with sexually submissive desires have concerns about the effect it may have on their day-to-day living.
We have a conscious choice to act and by submitting to your lover in the bedroom, you will not find this choice has been invalidated.
It is in fact incredibly common for confident and socially dominant individuals to act on their sexually submissive fantasies.”
Annabelle says it’s important to remember that by taking a sexually submissive role, “
you are not giving your lover carte blanche to use you in any way they see fit”. She says while there are couples that choose to live in a 24/7 dominant/submissive (D/S) relationship,
not everyone who has submissive desires in sex has to follow this relationship structure or has a desire to do so.
If you’re at any point uncomfortable
If at any point during BDSM sex or play you feel like your partner is taking advantage of your submissiveness, then you must tell them how you’re feeling.
“You get to set the boundaries of your sexual play just as much as they do,
submissive or not and if you’re unhappy with any part of play then raising the issue is a must,” she says.
10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex
Helps Keep Your Immune System Humming
“Sexually active people take fewer sick days,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD a sexual health expert.
People who have sex have higher levels of what defends your body against germs, viruses, and other intruders.
Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of the a certain antibody compared to students who had sex less often.
ou should still do all the other things that make your immune system happy, such as:
Get enough sleep.Keep up with your vaccinations.
Use a condom if you don’t know both of your STD statuses.
Boosts Your Libido
Longing for a more lively sex life? “Having sex will make sex better and will improve your libido,” says Lauren Streicher, MD.
She is an assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.
For women, having sex ups vaginal lubrication, blood flow, and elasticity, she says, all of which make sex feel better and help you crave more of it.
Improves Women’s Bladder Control
A strong pelvic floor is important for avoiding incontinence, something that will affect about 30% of women at some point in their lives.
Good sex is like a workout for your pelvic floor muscles. When you have an orgasm, it causes contractions in those muscles, which strengthens them.
Lowers Your Blood Pressure
Research suggests a link between sex and lower blood pressure, says Joseph J. Pinzone, MD. He is CEO and medical director of Amai Wellness.
“There have been many studies,” he says. “One landmark study found that sexual intercourse specifically (not masturbation) lowered systolic blood pressure.” That’s the first number on your blood pressure test.
Counts as Exercise
“Sex is a really great form of exercise,” Pinzone says. It won’t replace the treadmill, but it counts for something.
Sex uses about five calories per minute, four more calories than watching TV. It gives you a one-two punch: It bumps up your heart rate and uses various muscles.
So get busy! You may even want to clear your schedule to make time for it on a regular basis. “Like with exercise, consistency helps maximize the benefits,” Pinzone says.
Lowers Heart Attack Risk
A good sex life is good for your heart. Besides being a great way to raise your heart rate, sex helps keep your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance.
“When either one of those is low you begin to get lots of problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease,” Pinzone says.
Before you reach for an aspirin, try for an orgasm.
“Orgasm can block pain,” says Barry R. Komisaruk, PhD, a distinguished service professor at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. It releases a hormone that helps raise your pain threshold.
Stimulation without orgasm can also do the trick. “We’ve found that vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain,
and many women have told us that genital self-stimulation can reduce menstrual cramps, arthritic pain, and in some cases even headache,” Komisaruk says.
May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely
Going for the gusto may help ward off prostate cancer.
Men who ejaculated frequently (at least 21 times a month) were less likely to get prostate cancer during one study, which was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
You don’t need a partner to reap this benefit: Sexual intercourse, nocturnal emission, and masturbation were all part of the equation.
It’s not clear that sex was the only reason that mattered in that study. Lots of factors affect cancer risk. But more sex won’t hurt
You may nod off more quickly after sex, and for good reason.
“After orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released, which is responsible for the feelings of relaxation and sleepiness” after sex, says Sheenie Ambardar, MD. She is a psychiatrist in West Hollywood, Calif.
Being close to your partner can soothe stress and anxiety.
Ambardar says touching and hugging can release your body’s natural “feel-good hormone.” Sexual arousal releases a brain chemical that revs up your brain’s pleasure and reward system.
Sex and intimacy can boost your self-esteem and happiness, too, Ambardar says. It’s not only a prescription for a healthy life, but a happy one.