The Issue with Gay Men
To Be A Real Man
May 9, 2023
Come and Gone
May 13, 2023Health issues for gay men and other men who have sex with men
All men face certain health risks. However, there are some specific health concerns that gay men and other men who have sex with men need to be aware of.
Individual health risks are shaped by many factors beyond sexual orientation and sexual behavior, including family history and age. But it’s important for men who have sex with men to understand the following health issues that may affect them and take steps to stay healthy.
Protect against sexually transmitted infections
Men who have sex with men are at a higher risk of infection with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as other sexually transmitted infections. Take these steps to protect against sexually transmitted infections:
- Use a condom. Use a new condom every time you have sex, especially during anal sex but ideally during oral sex as well. Use only water-based lubricants, not petroleum jelly, body lotion or oils. Oil-based lubricants can weaken latex condoms and cause them to break.
- Have only one sexual partner. Another reliable way to avoid sexually transmitted infections is to stay in a long-term relationship with only one partner who isn’t infected.
PrEP can be taken as a pill or as an injection. Talk to your health care provider about which type of PrEP is right for you.
Before you can use PrEP, you need to be tested to make sure that you don’t already have HIV. Your health care provider also should test you for hepatitis B. If you have hepatitis B, you need to have your kidney function tested before you can take PrEP.
For PrEP to be most effective, follow all the directions your health care provider gives you. While you are taking PrEP, you still need to use other HIV prevention strategies, such as using a condom every time you have sex.
Address mental health concerns
Gay men and other men who have sex with men may be at an increased risk of depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety. If you’re concerned about your mental health, talk to your health care provider or to a mental health provider. If you’re hesitant to seek treatment, consider talking with a trusted friend or loved one. Sharing your feelings might be the first step toward getting help
Recognize intimate partner violence
Violence can affect anyone in an intimate relationship. And research has shown that gay men and other men who have sex with men experience intimate partner violence at a higher rate than do other men. But gay men might be more likely to stay silent about this kind of violence due to fear of discrimination.
A lack of shelters and other facilities equipped to offer gay men a safe, supportive place to get help also may make it daunting to seek care.
In addition to the physical risks, staying in an abusive relationship might leave you depressed, anxious or hopeless. If you don’t want to tell others about your sexual orientation or same-sex relationship, it may be hard to ask for help. But the only way to break the cycle of violence is to take action.
If you’re the target of intimate partner violence, tell someone about the abuse, whether it’s a friend, a loved one, a health care provider or another close contact. Or consider contacting a domestic violence hotline for help.
On Jealousy
We may not be a sexually exclusive species, but we do form deep romantic attachments, and the emotional scaffolding on which these attachments are built is extraordinarily sensitive to our partners’ sexual indiscretions.
I also say this as a gay man who, according to mainstream evolutionary thinking, shouldn’t be terribly concerned about his partner having sex with strangers.
After all, it isn’t as though he’s going to get pregnant and cuckold me into raising another man’s offspring.
But if you’d explained that to me as I was screaming invectives at one of my partners following my discovery that he was cheating on me, curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my kitchen and rocking myself into self-pitying oblivion, or as I was vomiting my guts out over the toilet for much of the next two weeks, I would have nodded in rational Darwinian ascension while still trembling like a wounded animal.
Weeks of puking aside, Bering argues that while this emotional/psychological response may have originally been related to biological concerns (paternity assurance for men, resource flow for women),
its ubiquity among homosexuals shows that the response is now deeply embedded in the human psyche, concluding that, “sexual jealousy in gay men can only be explained by some sort of pseudo-heterosexuality mindset simulating straight men’s hyper vigilance to being cuckolded by their female partners.”
Let’s consider the possibility that much, if not all, of this heartbreak is a learned response.
The separation anxiety Bering describes bears striking similarities to that experienced by a baby who feels abandoned by its mother.
We live in a society that greatly amplifies that innate fear of abandonment by ignoring the baby’s need for 24/7 maternal contact in the first few years of life, forcing the infant into psychologically-scarring isolation almost immediately.
(For decades, doctors convinced of the superiority of sterile isolation inadvertantly killed tens of thousands of babies who literally died from the lack of human contact.)
The association between mother-love and lover-love is enhanced through a constant media onslaught (“Oooh baby, baby”) and a freakishly childish understanding of mature sexual love. Remember, we live in a society where this pathetic drivel is considered one of the all-time great love songs:
Got that? If you really loved her (or him) you’d show it not only by puking your guts out, but spending all your money and sleeping in the rain.
We just find this fear often expressed in the sexual arena because that’s where we’ve relegated so much of our intimacy in our fractured, conflicted world.
G.I.T.C
Limit alcohol, and don’t use drugs. If you’re drunk or high, you’re more likely to take sexual risks. If you choose to use injectable drugs, don’t share needle
Get vaccinated. Vaccinations can protect you from hepatitis A and hepatitis B. These are serious liver infections that can spread through sex. The human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine is available to men up to age 26. HPV is associated with anal cancer in men who have sex with men. Mpox vaccination also may be advised for some men who have sex with men. Not all sexually transmitted infections can be prevented by vaccines. For example, hepatitis C is not covered by a vaccine, and it can lead to liver failure and liver cancer
Get tested and have your partner tested. Don’t have sex without a condom unless you’re certain you and your partner aren’t infected with HIV or other sexually transmitted infections. Testing is important because many people don’t know they’re infected. Others might not be honest about their health.
Consider pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP). PrEP is a way for people who don’t have HIV to prevent HIV infection by taking medicine. Several PrEP medicines are available that can reduce the risk of HIV infection in those who are at high risk
Gay men also are more likely to have body image problems and eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, than are other men. If you have challenges with body image or an eating disorder, get help.
Talk to your health care provider or a mental health provider. Treatment is available.
Get help for substance misuse
Gay men are more likely to deal with alcohol use disorder than are other people. If you have concerns about your alcohol use, help is available.
Talk to your health care provider. Many health care and mental health organizations focused on the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community also offer substance use treatment or may be able to provide information about local resources.
If you smoke cigarettes or use other tobacco products, quitting will greatly lower your risk of health problems. Talk to your health care provider about resources to help you quit.
Make health care a priority
Concern about homophobia and the stigma sometimes associated with homosexuality may prevent some gay men from getting routine health care. But it’s important that you get the care you need.
Look for a health care provider who understands your concerns and puts you at ease. For you to get high-quality health care, it’s important that your provider knows and understands your sexual orientation and sexual behavior.
So it’s crucial that you feel comfortable talking honestly with your health care provider.
Also, ask your provider about routine screenings recommended for people in your age group. Those may include blood pressure and cholesterol measurements, as well as screenings for prostate, testicular and colon cancers.
If you’re not in a long-term relationship with one sexual partner, schedule regular screenings for sexually transmitted infections.
I’m not buying that.
Where’s the proof that sexual jealousy (experienced as heartbreak) is an unavoidable response to a partner’s extra-pair sexual activity? If it were a genetically encoded behavioral response, there would be very few,
if any exceptions to this pattern. Yet every major city (and plenty of small towns) have sex clubs where couples have sex with extra-pair partners with no discernible emotional consequences at all—at least not negative ones. These clubs exist all over the world—absent only in countries where they are illegal.
Most surveys of these so-called “swingers” indicate that they are more satisfied with their marriages than couples in more conventional arrangements.
Add to this the large number of men who actually find the notion of being cuck holded very appealing (described by fellow PT blogger, David Ley in his fascinating book, Insatiable Wives).
Then add the societies we describe in Sex at Dawn in which a party without extra-pair sex is like breakfast without coffee, and the genetic argument starts looking very wobbly indeed.
Love hurts.
So, in light of all this indoctrination being force-fed into young minds hetero and gay alike, why should we be surprised that jilted lovers often respond with childish outrage and terror?
There are many ways to explain sexual jealousy in gay men without resorting to half-baked evolutionary theories of prehistoric cuckolding. Loss is loss, regardless of sexual orientation.
We all fear rejection and abandonment. It’s a harsh and lonely world out there, and we’re a tender, vulnerable species.
So it’s not surprising that gay men cherish their deepest connections and fear losing them just as much as anyone else does. It’s not really about sex at all, at the deepest levels. It’s about intimacy and love.
