Who Are You? Part 2
Paradise & Hell Part 5
June 15, 2022
Who Are You? Part 3
June 15, 2022Who Are You? Who Am I? A Question
Part 2
Why is it difficult to answer the question: who am I?
“Who am I?” is how we see and define ourselves. It creates our identity, and in turn our reality.
I am my name, I am my job, I am my relationships, I am my network, I am my sexuality, I am my affiliations, I am my hobbies.
These are all labels you could use to describe yourself. Even though many give clues and pointers to who you are, they’re still limited.
One of the reasons why answering “Who am I” is so tricky is because the social roles you play in life —as an accountant, a brother, a father, a heterosexual man, etc.— don’t get to the heart of who you really are. Neither does simply listing your interests or hobbies.
You may be a keen cyclist, who enjoys crosswords and watching anime. Although that can give you and others a snapshot of you, you are clearly so much more.
If you’re seeking self-knowledge, or even just more interesting conversations, the really juicy stuff tends to live below the surface.
Beyond the mundane categories, we put ourselves into is what makes us truly tick.
It’s often a collection of our interests, experiences, characteristics, choices, values, and beliefs that show us who we are.
Understanding these things about ourselves is what helps us to understand the complexity of our identity.
What lights me up?
Figuring out what lights you up is perhaps the key to figuring out your purpose in life.
“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky
What type of work would I also do for free? What do you spend hours on and the time just flies? The things that light us up are so incredibly unique to you.
What drains me?
All kinds of things can drain your energy — whether it’s bad habits like doomscrolling through your phone at 2 am when you should be sleeping, or taking everything personally when you know you need to let that sh*t go.
Figuring out the people and things that are our energy zappers
shed light on who we are, and helps us identify what we need to let go of.
What gets me out of bed in the morning?
Other than the alarm on repeat for half an hour followed by a gallon of coffee, what gets you out of bed in the morning?
Figuring out what motivates you is the cornerstone of success and purpose. Much like success, when you try to follow someone else’s version, it won’t last long.
As the author of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ Stephen Covey, puts it:
“Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.”
What relaxes me?
If everybody is prone to stress, then everybody needs to know how to destress too.
Especially in the digital age, relaxing is often easier said than done. A lot of us have forgotten how to truly unwind, with experts suggesting this is why we spend so long glued to a screen instead.
“People have got so used to looking for distraction that they actually cannot stand an evening with themselves.
It is a way of not seeing oneself, because to have insight into oneself requires mental space, and all these distraction techniques are used as a way of avoiding getting close to the self.
What brings me joy?
Do you ever get the feeling that figuring out exactly what makes you happy in life is just as complicated as trying to figure out who you are?
Psychotherapist Linda Esposito says one of the reasons happiness is so hard is that we often get it all wrong.
We think life is about always feeling good and so we desperately do whatever we can to dodge suffering whilst simultaneously chasing external rewards and validation.
“Sure we experience joyful moments and blissful memories, but life is about the journey and enjoying the steps along the way.“
What scares me?
The things that scare us most are the glaring big flashing signs to our inner psyche.
Roller coasters, drugs, and getting really close to someone are a few of mine. They all have one big underlying thing in common — they trigger my fear of losing control.
If you’re terrified of public speaking, you’re probably a people pleaser with perfectionist tendencies. If you’re afraid of the dark then according to research, you may well be more creative and imaginative.Your biggest fears are reflections of your personality
What makes me curious?
Another important breadcrumb to follow on any path to purpose in life is that little spark of curiosity inside.
One of the most unique features of human beings which has been crucial to our evolution as a species is the lifelong capacity to learn.
This childlike feature of curiosity, known as Neoteny in the science world, helps us advance through exploration.
As psychologist and cognitive scientist, Tom Stafford writes “Evolution made us the ultimate learning machines, and the ultimate learning machines need to be oiled by curiosity.
What are my regrets?
Regrets can shape or break us.
Research found that it’s also true what they say, you’re more likely to regret something you didn’t do than something you did. Results showed inaction regrets lasted longer than action regrets.
It also showed that most of our regrets tend to come from romance rather than other areas of life. So it seems that perhaps we are our regrets in love.
Although regret can seem useless, feeling regret allows us to make different (potentially better) choices in the future.
What am I good at?
There are a lot of clues hidden in the things you seem to have a natural aptitude for which can help show you who you are.
Some have a gift for communication, a way with numbers, a creative streak, an analytical mind.
Taking a look at past achievements, asking what you love to do most, and trying out new things help to reveal your talents and strengths.
What am I bad at?
Just like every yin has a yang, every person is bound to have strengths and weaknesses.
It’s tempting to quickly drop the things we feel like we’re not good at. But when you wrap your identity up in solely what you are good at, your identity can start to be defined by your skills.
What we’re bad at is sometimes where we discover what we’ve been dodging in life. But asking what we could do with improving can help push your comfort zone and put you into a growth mindset.
What is my definition of success?
Who doesn’t want to be successful in life, but what exactly is success?
For some, being successful might be money, fame, or recognition. For others, the legacy of success is more about the impact they want to make on the world or helping others.
Success isn’t always about the biggest wins, with some of life’s most rewarding successes coming from more humble pursuits — raising a family, cultivating loving relationships, living a balanced life.
Finding fulfillment in success means pursuing your own definition of it, not someone else’s.
What makes me angry?
Anger isn’t all bad. Rather than trying to sweep it under the carpet, what really gets us mad has a lot to tell us.
There are plenty of occasions when anger is powerful. It fuels strength and courage to stand up for the things you believe in.
It highlights the behaviors and the social causes we feel strongly about.Working out what gets you annoyed can give you clues to what you are most passionate about.
What are my failures?
We’ve probably all heard the saying that “failure is feedback”. Our biggest failures can be simultaneously our greatest disappointments and our greatest opportunities.
Failure may cause suffering in the short-term, but if dealt with in a healthy way, failure allows us to learn in a way that ultimately contributes to our wins in life.
The world is full of people who refused to define themselves on their failures and instead used past failures to fuel success.
What keeps me awake at night?
What keeps us awake at night offers us insight into the changes we may need to make — even if it’s just to stop drinking caffeine after 5 pm.
Whether it’s daydreams of another life (quitting your 9-5, moving country, finding love) or the worries that have you tossing and turning unable to switch off.
The nightime hours when it’s dark and quiet can tell us a lot about who we are
What disappoints me?
How we handle disappointment often comes down to how we manage our expectations. It happens when our hopes and expectations about a situation fall out of line with reality.
Some people try to avoid disappointment by turning into underachievers, whilst others seek to avoid it through the opposite of overachieving.
The disappointments we feel are signposts to our biggest desires, as well as our beliefs about ourselves and other people.
What are my insecurities?
Everyone feels insecure from time to time. One survey found that 60 percent of women experience hurtful, self-critical thoughts on a weekly basis.
Our insecurities tend to be shaped by our “critical inner voice”.
According to Dr. Lisa Firestone, who co-authored ‘Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice’:
The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.”
What do I want to learn?
Countless lockdowns over the coronavirus pandemic left a lot of us pondering how we spend our time, and how we can use it to improve ourselves.
Life’s endless learners are usually the most successful and happy. A growth mindset sees everything as an opportunity to grow
Lifelong learning builds the mental flexibility that helps us to adjust and thrive.
What do I respect most about myself?
Self-respect is about treating yourself the way you’d want others to treat you.
The respect we feel towards ourselves is the qualities, achievements, and areas of life in which we hold ourselves in the highest esteem.
It is a sense of admiration for all that is good or valuable that you see in yourself
G.I.T.C
